I am… 

I’ve been staring at the ceiling for a while now, pondering upon the fact that life has turned into this horrible nightmare for me and I am unable to get away from this continuous torture. There have been some changes recently in the way I think about some people. People bore me now. I look at them and all I can see ia fake smiles. They will never be truly happy for you. There will always be some sort of compitition. They will always want to stay ahead of you. They want to be happier, more successful and more beautiful than you. I don’t know why the world is turning into a greedy monster. I don’t know what to do, how to react to such people? They feel happy when I cry. They think I’m vulnerable and they can play with my feelings. It’s like a cat getting pleasure from playing with a mouse before eating it. People are so caught up in their own lives, they’ve literally stopped caring about others. I don’t want to show them that I need care and affection because they will make fun of me, they will tease me and call me weak and I can’t give them that power over me. That’s why I decided to turn hard, to turn into a rock. They can’t break me this way. I want them to know that I’m not a fragile piece of glass. I’m a diamond you can never break.

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38 thoughts on “I am… 

  1. I struggled so much with feelings like you are describing when I was young. (In all honesty, I still struggle sometimes, but less often.)

    We can never change others. We are only responsible for ourselves. The best I can do is to live my life with as much goodness and decency as I can muster. I try to bring joy to others. As for what those others do, well, I have to release of much of it as I can, though it hurts me—really causes me physical as well as emotional pain—to accept some of what exists in this world.

    Fight the urge to meet evil behavior with wickedness of your own. Nurture what’s good in your own soul.

    Keep writing. I hope my meager words are at least a spark of bright light during what sounds like a dark time.

    You matter. Your life matters. No one ever can change that fact.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You need to search out people who are like you. The world is changing. I’ve noticed it too. These people are suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder or something similar. I was married to one. They seem to be everywhere and we need to keep away and keep our hearts safe. Don’t give up on humanity. Just find like-minded people and forget the rest

    Liked by 1 person

  3. that is very beautifully written, tender and vulnerable! Do not turn away. There are people who understand you and who never want to hurt you. The togetherness is always a give and take, sometimes more and sometimes less. Getting to know each other and being considerate even when it’s hard when strong feelings are involved. There must be ways, one must not turn away and give up happiness.

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      1. I believe that we all here have something in common. We are all very sensitive but also very willing to do something to feel better and most of us I would say are goodhearted people. Misunderstandings ang getting hurt happens easily , online even more if you can´t look the other in the eye. So I think we all have to be really careful not to get fired up…we should save our power for nice moments together.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are right. Nowadays even relationships are virtual. People get misunderstanding through texting and not being able to look at each other while chatting. Therefore interest level also drops to an extent. We are good hearted people I agree but sometimes there are times when you are just too fed up of every horrible thing that is going on in your life and that is why I chose the medium of writing to express my feelings and emotions.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. that’s a great thing to use writing for. I like to write, but not about problems, that’s the problem …; ) … I’m also not very happy to be non-stop online and do not trust the internet anyway … I prefer to be outside in nature, take pictures, watch animals …. I honestly can not that long concentrate on complicated problems … I usually never turn away and rarely retire … so I probably trust more than others because I’m used to being surrounded by people….and never got disappointed.

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  4. well I wrote you, that I´m not good in writing problems….too many misunderstandings, not getting the point….so I´m NOT happy. I´m happy to share my time with friends and I can really enjoy this also some times, but I have also problems like you. I try also to find my path of happiness, out of loneliness. I read your feelings, opinions in theses blogs and try to react. Knowing that it is not possible beeing understood 100% online, I go outside to calm, to cry, to feel free and not captured in an virtual world!

    Liked by 1 person

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