Starving for a life you never had,

Time seems to fly and you never have

That little piece of joy you want

Thus you’ll live the life you never had,

You cry for redemption and then move on

You turn chaos into a joy you never had

Your guilt eats the soul you never had

Yet still you go on, yet still you move on.

You never wait for death like I had

This peace you have is all I crave

You ungrateful species of God, yes you all!

You will never get the life you want to have.


New year, new hopes

So it’s time to clear your mind and warmly welcome a new year. It’s true that time flies. We are about to enter 2018. I can’t believe it. It was just yesterday when my 2017 started with a terrible beginning and half of the year went in utter misery. I contemplated upon foolish thoughts in that time period, moving towards self destruction. Lack of love is a very dangerous thing I guess.

The second half of 2017 was literally the best time of my life. I got so many of my dreams and wishes come true. I got up from the ashes and was more beautiful and clear headed than ever.

For 2018 I wish that all my dreams come true once again. Please pray for me. May this new year turn out to be the best year of my life. May I achieve my goals and get success in life.

What are your hopes and goals for 2018 and how determined are you to turn your dreams into a reality?

Happy new year!

Happy holidays. 😊

P.s. check out my new hobby of photography as well.

What is Love?

What exactly is love according to you? Let me tell you how some people misunderstand some other feelings with love. 

1. Lust

If you love a person because of her/his eyes, face or any other body part, it’s not love, it’s just lust.

2. Admiration
If yoh love a person because of his/her intelligence, congnition or insight about life, then it is not called love, it is admiration. You admire someone due to some attribute they have. 

3. Pity
If it’s because the person cries every time you go away, then you feel pity for them not love. 

4. Infatuation
If he/she makes you forget everything and you are unable to concentrate on your studies or sleep then it is called infatuation, not love. 

Then what exactly is love? 
Love is a very strange phenomenon. It is addiction. Watching the person smile, laughing with them aloud, always trying to be with them, telling them everything and knowing and wanting to know more and more about them. 

For me, I would see the person I love with my eyes closed or open. I would look for reasons to text him. Every now and then I would make him realize that he is very special for me. If I’m down due to some reason, just a text from him brightens my day and cheers me up.

I would go mad when he tells me he has a crush on someone else. His most stupid joke would make me laugh more than the best comedy show on TV. I just look at him and forget all my sorrows. I count on him more than anyone in this world. For me this is love. Acceptance, compassion and understanding each other. 

Stages of love
There are five stages of love. 

  • Crush
  • Infatuation
  • Love
  • Passion
  • Loss

No matter what, sooner or later every love story comes to an end. 
This post is written from the perspective of teenage love. 

Chaotic love

When that hand grabbed my arm

And pulled me towards himself, 

My instant thought was death

Or life without him?

I chose death than living without him,

My every thought centered around him,

He was so attractive,

My bewitching piece of magnet,

And I was allured towardd him

As if he is the only one in this world,

I never wish to stay without him

As my purpose in life is getting his love,

How can I ever,

Imagine him with someone else?

My heart may stop that moment

If that ever happened.

My past was him, he is my present,

Without him my future seems dark,

He is a soul for my body

And my body was carved to protect his soul,

No matter how far away he goes from me,

He live with me every second…


I never knew a storm would come,

To end my life. 

Hands trembling, feet shaking,

Heart thudding, mouth parched,

His every word was crystal clear in my mind.

He said, “You are no good for me,

I want something from life,

You always block my way

And never let me try.”

My mouth opened, I closed it again

Had no idea what to say…

My heart wanted to escape from my chest

My life was about to end.

“Please, don’t leave me!”

I fell on his knees,

“Do listen my cry of pain.

It’s you I want from life,

Without you, I can’t survive.”

He shook his head, “You are mad,

I’m in hurry, let me go.

You wasted my time, you are no good,

Just let me leave alone.”

I was gasping for breath,

The world spinning around me,

My hands locked around his knees,

“Please don’t go or I’ll die,

I want you, you’re my life.”

I pleaded with my face all wet,

My eyes were red, my lips white.

He looked at me for a second,

Frowned at me and made his way.

He went without looking back,

My eyes started to ache,

Please God take me away,

I never wanted this life!


Thirty years later, weak and wrinkled,

Sitting at the same spot,

Hope was with me

That’s all I need to have,

I know he will return,

I pray for him a lot

He never left my thoughts,

Remembering his sweey smile still makes my heart beat fast,

I think of him as mine,

Craving for his return.

He was the best part of my life,

Someone I can never forget,

One thing I know for sure,

He knew that I’m alive

God made me just for him,

And for him I’ll die…


Ten years later, on my dead bed

Surrounded by loved ones,

My beady eyes searched the crowd

For someone very special.

I know he will come

My love for him is strong.

I started gasping for breath,

As a cold hand touched my forehead,

I had to blink twice,

Before I realized,

Though his face was wrinkled,

His hair was white,

He was still as handsome

And still so bright.

He closed his eyes,

As if in pain

And rubbed my face with his hands,

My ecstasy was unbearable,

I wanted to tell him that…

He opened his eyes,

Tears pouring down from them,

My heart ached when I saw his tears

I wanted to soothe him, to tell him it’s okay.

He opened his mouth at last to speak, 

Hearing his soft voice made me say thanks to God!

I felt like the luckiest person,

I wanted everyone to know

My love was back

My life complete!

He spoke so low, but I heard it clear

His voice was so full of agony 

Like it was too much for him to bear.

He said, “I love you so much.

You made my life empty,

I so much wanted to return,

But I was too guilty.”

He said, “I’m so sorry,

Leaving you was a sin,

I will never forgive myself.”

I was surprised, I wanted him to know

He was the reason I stayed alive for so long,

I slowly reached my hand,

To wipe of his tears,

When he saw what I was doing,

A slow smile lightened his eyes.

That was enough, more than enough

I just can’t take more joy…

I memorized his smile,

Before I closed my eyes.

The world went black,

And my heart beat stopped.

I still love you,

Was my last thought. 

Gone forever

When the heavy drops of rain

Fall on my face,

And the cold wind

Brushed passed me with a race,

My heart gives a beat,

It just can’t bear the heat

Whenever you are near me,

I just want to yell with glee

For me you are light,

I’ll never let you go without a fight.

Whenever your voice reaches my ear,

Every moment I spent with you becomes clear,

One night you kissed me goodnight

And then flew away from me,

Like a kite.

You never looked back,

‘Cause your love was fake,

But my love for you is true,

I know you have that clue.

Your sweet smile lingers in my every thought,

Staying away from you just made my blood clot,

Maybe one day you’ll realize

That you’ll always be my life,

Maybe some day you’ll come back,

But it will be too late… 

Top three Pakistani brands

Brands are taking over the world. They are everywhere. People are unable to wear anything except branded clothes, designer jewelry, shoes and bags. The obsession is going on in full swing in Pakistan. People were literally fighting over dresses during the blessed friday sale last month. People are ready to spend minimum Rs.7000 on a casual dress that they will wear at home only. Designer dresses for formal gatherings etc is another story.

In today’s consumer culture we are totally mesmerized by the bold prints, leather, furs and glitters. We want to wear what the actors on television wear just to be a part of the ‘in’crowd. Well, I am also a prey to these brands and no matter how much I try not to follow them, I am left with no choice because I simply love shopping. 

There are many amazing brands in Pakistan e.g. Khaadi, Gul Ahmed, Al Karam, Kayseria, Bareeze and Breakout etc but following are the top three designer brands according to me which are quite reasonable compared to other brands.

 1. Nishat Linen

Don’t let the name fool you. Nishat Linen is not just a place for linens. There is a variety of stock there, from chiffons, lawn, cambric to Khaddar, marina and karandi. This place believes in quality and the quality of their fabric is so damn good. Apart from fabric, they have pret shirts both eastern and western wear, they have trousers, jeans, tights, scarves, stockings, shoes, bags and jewelry. What else do you need? 

2. Lime Light

Another favorite place. This place also provides you with great variety and the quality is really good. Recently there is a trend of velvet tights and they are so cool. Faux fur jackets and scarves are so good that one can’t resist taking everything home. 

3. Sapphire
Sappire is a place where you’ll drool over almost everything. The jewelry is too cool and up to date and Sapphire shoes are worth dying for. Lately there is this collection of fur shoes which I’m unable to get over. I want them so bad. Sapphire provides fabric, pret wear as well as sweaters, coats and cape shawls etc. A very classy place indeed. 

Pits of Hades

Headache. I’m going through a very painful time. I feel weak both physically and mentally. I want to have peace more than anything. Peace of mind… I don’t get it. How can a human being, a common human being be responsible for snatching away peace of mind from another human? Does it give them any satisfaction to watch the other person suffer? To watch them writhe in agony for them? Does it give them contentment? 
You know what, the most important thing in life is having peace of mind. I can tolerate physical torture but I am unable to bear the constant mental turmoil. I have been pushed into the pits of Hades and I am finding my way out. Help me out. Help me find my way. I don’t want to wander around, lost. Help me get rid of this pain. 

It is a terrible place, the pits of Hades. There is fire everywhere and you are trying to get away from the fire but your beloved is pushing you into the fire over and over until you are just a clump of dry charred bones, until you turn into ashes and perish. You feel joy at that time, thinking the agony will fade now but the very next day, you are alive again, standing in the pit, all flesh and bones with blood flooding in your body, like you are a newborn child. You want to scream at the hopelessness of your situation but your throat is so dry that you are unable to utter a word. 

And then he comes again…

And then he pushes you in the fire again. 

That’s what I go through everyday. There is no escape.